No Fear !!?

A 48 year old Christian man who is used to being "in control" can find it hard to remember that he is simply a child of God. How on earth do you "teach" or make such a man aware of this truth. Thankfully God is able to teach his children in many ways. In my case I believe that I was being taught this lesson during my time in hospital.

When I come across a problem I almost instinctively want to throw time, money, thinking, work or energy at it. I am a man with others depending on me or at least looking to me. But too often it is possible to take away God's glory in the midst of our problems by causing ourselves and others to focus on human resourcefulness, ingenuity or power. We learn this in the case of Gideon where God says that he didn't want people to imagine that it was because of the vast numbers of Gideon's forces that a victory was gained. It is so easy for us to focus on the tangible rather than to exercise faith in the unseen God.

Well, gradually through my week of hospitalisation I realised that my position was that of a child of my Heavenly Father whether I am healthy or unwell. It will be all too easy for me to allow this truth to fade away but I pray that the Lord will keep me aware.

During my time in bed I thought about my wife and children and their needs, the Tyndale Academy (at which I am one of just two teachers); the Bill going through Parliament which I have been doing much work on; whether our business would go under and a number of other potiential problems. Other responsibilities could easily have weighed on my mind. Among them were my work as a deacon; the fact that we had just taken out a mortgage for a dormer on our house and the possibilty that I would never be able to teach again. Finally to be considered was the prospect that I might have the kind of personality change that I was told is common among those with brain traumas like mine.

Most strangely (for me) I was able to leave these questions and problems to the Lord, knowing that there was nothing I could or ought to do about them. If I was ever to teach again was in the Lord's hands. The building work and the Tyndale Academy were there too. Indeed I ought to have known that they had always been in his hands although I had only half noticed it. My lack of worry on these matters was not, I believe, a despairing resignation, or a "what will be will be". No. I think it was based on a trust and realisation that he cares for me (and all of his children). It would have been awful to have been powerlessly thinking about my responsibilities at such a time as this. (Of course I ought to have remembered that many people face far more serious issues than mine).

This was a time for me to remember that I was precious to my Heavenly Father and that at times I imagine that I depend too much on myself. I was learning that although the Lord looks for maturity in his people as time goes by, the fact is that we never get beyond being dependent children. This is our place. The verses that came to mind at this time were "such things are too high for me" and "I was like a weaned child". They just made me aware that it is my place to trust God whether I understand what he is doing in my life or not.